but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
