well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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