dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
