Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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