is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
