Christians are straight up FREAKS
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
