Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
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