i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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