Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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