I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
