I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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