is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
