I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
