Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
