I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
