anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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