i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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