the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
