They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
