hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
