I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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