He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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