rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
