Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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