I cannot find my penis.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Welp...herpes.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
