I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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