is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
