I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
So. Much. Porn.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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