i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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