Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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