I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
