i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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