I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
