watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
