Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
