All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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