well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
