We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
