called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
