he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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