I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i would punch a child for taco bell
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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