Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
