a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Holy sore nipples Batman
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
