i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
