the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
