At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
