I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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