All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
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