I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
