What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
