I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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