your thong is hanging out like whoa
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
