i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize