i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
