I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
