Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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