so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Houston, we have a blender
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
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