I can feel you judging me through the phone.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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