i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
