i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
