walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
