I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
