Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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