I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i wish my penis had a tongue
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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