absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
