I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
