That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
