It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
