I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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