I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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