She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
