Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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