YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize