We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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