He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
