yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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