Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
